Life after vacation is hard

I recently went to a wedding for my best friend. It was literally the most picture perfect Connecticut wedding ever. Even down to the rainbow outside of the church as they walked out. I couldn’t be happier for them. They are two of the best people i have ever known. I was there when their love story started and i was so privileged i got to be there when they took the next big step. It’s a weekend i’ll never forget and a trip i’m so glad i took.

My friends Daniel, Deb and I even made the trip from Connecticut to Niagara Falls. It was breathtakingly beautiful even though we had less than 2 hours to spend there. Bless Deb’s heart, she sat next to me on all the flights and i am not the best flyer. I survived though. With a little booze to help, but i survived. The only thing about the weekend i would have changed was to have Logan with me that weekend.

 

It was hard to come back to reality that’s for sure. I’m actually still struggling with it. Work has been hell all week and i haven’t had a day off since i got back. I’m so looking forward to dinner with Logan Tuesday night to celebrate his new house and a day to sleep in on Wednesday. Maybe do some laundry, definitely cuddling with the dogs and most likely working on the wedding blanket for Kasey and Bryan.

And now it’s off to bed. It’s almost 1 a.m. and i do have to work in the morning at 8. One of these days i’ll figure out how to get more sleep. For today, I’ll settle for 4-5 hours. Good night all!

Forge a new path?

After being sick for about 4 days I am getting ready to go back to work tomorrow. Hopefully my stomach cooperates and i can make it through the day.

being sick for pretty much the whole weekend i have been thinking about what i like to do. i’m really wanting to find a job that could maybe combine my love of reading and my love of crochet. I don’t know how easy it will be, but it’s what i love and i think i deserve to have a job i love. i don’t hate my job now by any means, but i would love to have a little more control over how much i make and when i work. now i guess the only thing to figure out is how to become self sufficient doing what i love without dying from exhaustion in the process. Maybe narrating audio books? Then i could also blog here about the books i read. a thought to consider and i will be looking into this week. Maybe my boyfriend has a microphone i could borrow to audition….definitely some food for thought.

is anyone crocheting anything new? I’m working on a couple projects right now. The annual making of scarves and hats for the local VA for our homeless vets and also I am working on a wedding blanket for my friends Kasey and Bryan. They are getting a c2c in grey with some variegated thrown in for color because i never like a boring blanket. i haven’t gotten too far on it yet. i’m finishing up a scarf now and then will switch over to their blanket.

like i said, i’m not far into it yet, but i am enjoying making it. i haven’t done a c2cin a while. i’m working on branching out on my patterns and looking at several other bloggers to help me out. i love how they are able to come up with patterns on their own. i have never had that ability.

anyway, i’m off to bed. i do still have to get up to go to work tomorrow! have a wonderful week and if anyone knows anything about narrating for audio books please drop me a line and let me know?

Anxiety is killing me

So my anxiety has been pretty crippling lately and in an effort to deal with it without using drugs…i have failed. i’m not giving up, i’m determined to find a way to control this without shoving a bunch of chemicals into my body. Unfortunately it has caused a strain on a few of my relationships here lately. I’m not sure if all of them can be saved, but i have faith that the ones that stick will turn out to be the people i want beside me through thick and thin.

Anxiety has been something i have struggled with for the last year. it has been the worst thing to happen to me. i can’t control it and it hits at the most inconvenient times. it only makes it worse that i am not completely capable of communicating that an attack is happening so most people just get angry at me. it makes me want to stay home and crochet every night instead of spending time with my friends.

(he really is the best cuddle buddy ever. always knows when mommy needs him!)

I have tried a few over the counter herbal things and breathing exercises, but those aren’t seeming to help. at least the herbals things. the breathing seems to help, but unfortunately i don’t always realize what is going on in time to stop it from happening in public.

next on my list is essential oils. they seem to help a lot of people and i figure what the hell. might as well give them a try and see if it helps. i know several people who use them and they seem to love them. suggestions?

At least this weekend i managed to do something correctly. i went to a paint for paws event at my vfw and for the fist time ever having done this i was pretty impressed. granted, i am much better with yarn than paint, but i like it and it is hanging in my room so i can see it everyday.

sorry for the rambling. i just needed to vent a little. i’m back to my c2c blanket and “Magnus Carter and The Hammer of Thor” while Doctor Who with Matt Smith plays in the background! what an exciting monday night!

No idea what i’m doing

So i’m trying to get my life together which seems to be a challenge no matter how old i am. Right now it’s how do i make some extra money without exhausting myself more than i already am on daily basis. UberEats has come to mind and i should probably be a little more aggressive with my Avon. (www.youravon.com/madelinethornton -just in case you need an Avon lady!) Donating plasma has also crossed my mind and I can always pick up some extra hours at the VFW being a cocktail waitress. It has just made me wonder why it has to be so hard to get things on track financially. I love my job, but know i should be able to make more money. it comes down to the question: do i want a job i love or a job i hate, but i make great money? i don’t need a lot in life, but it would be nice not to have to juggle my checkbook every 2 weeks to figure out how to eat. sigh…maybe one day i won’t be such a sad case when it comes to money.

Is there something wrong with me?

I’ve uprooted from the house i lived in for 6 years, quit one job and started a new one away from the bar industry, but something still isn’t right. I have another job in the bar industry and i feel like that’s my crutch. I don’t make good decisions concerning alcohol (not that many people do), but it gets worse when i work around it and i’m not happy. I used to like this other job, but here in these last few months it has become stressful and not a place i want to be. i have taken a lot of my stress and let it go and am so much better for it, but now the question is: Do i need to let go of this place also?

i think so. it will suck. i have people there i love, but i think for me and my well-being i need to let go of this place and move on to something different. maybe find a 2nd job that doesn’t feel like work. i’m not sure yet. i don’t make rash decisions, but when i do make a decision i don’t back down and i don’t look back.

Guess it’s time to do something good for me and the fur babies.

Day 30,276

It feels like I’ve been sick my whole life. After almost 2 weeks of being sick I am ready to get out and do something. Not really caring what I do, but something would be nice. Tomorrow I do have to get out and buy groceries and run a few errands. I have made some headway on a couple of WIPs that i have had laying around for awhile. the goal is to have them all finished by the time my boyfriend gets back from training so that i can make him pay me for my cat sitting services in yarn.

This will be a short one today since my life has mostly been sleeping, eating, taking the dogs out and crocheting when i can sit up.

Any WIPs that you all are working on? Any suggestions for me? I’m always looking for a new pattern or something fun to try!

My life is in a sprial

I’ve been sick all week with a seriously nasty stomach bug and I’ve realized something super important. I hate my job. I don’t think it’s the job itself or the place, but the never ending routine. Nothing changes except who irritates me that day. The goal now I guess is to figure out what i want to do with my life. Blogging probably isn’t the career for me, but at the very least it helps me to write my feelings out.

I have been working on a scrap crochet project this week that I’m pretty excited about though. I had started working on it awhile back, but it seems every time i sat down to crochet someone wanted me to make something for them and then i started to lose my love of crocheting.

I also have acquired my boyfriend’s cat for 3 months. It has been a fun adjustment with the dogs, but little by little we are getting used to each other. He does have beautiful eyes and after a week of hiding from me i tend to wake up with a little machine purring next to me. At least while Logan is gone doing training i have a little piece of him here with me.

On that note, I’m off to my much smaller queen size bed now that I’m sharing it with two dogs and a cat….Night all!

Moving is torture

I’m currently in bed, in my pajamas with 3 sweet snuggly dogs on what is my friday night hoping that my best friend won’t call me to go have a drink somewhere. I am however making progress on my Christmas presents. Thank goodness for Pinterest and simple, easy to follow patterns.

Not only am I moving in a few days, but I have zero motivation to finish packing. after working 8 hours today all I want to do is lay in bed, crochet, watch Stranger Things 2 and avoid adulting. I can do that for just one night, right? if only I could snap my fingers and all of my stuff could be packed, sorted, donated or trashed that would be great. Unfortunately, I have to be a big girl and do this by myself.

I’m not looking forward to apartment living with the dogs, but I guess it’s only 8 months and who knows, maybe Delbert will like it? Probably not, but at least this apartment complex has a pond to walk around and a little dog park area he can run around in. It also has a fitness center so I can save $22/month in gym fees which will be nice.

One of the bad things about moving this week is I had to pack up most of my yarn. I do have plenty to chose from still, but not being able to pick out whatever I want from my stash is painful to say the least. Moving to a smaller place will definitely make me have to be more careful about what yarn I buy since I won’t have as much room. I’m hoping to make some kind of makeshift shelf in my apartment so I won’t just have yarn lying all around the house.

sorry today’s blog isn’t super exciting, but it has been a stressful week and not a whole lot of crocheting has been done. This site won’t be so much to sell patterns or items, but to share and show off my WIPs and pictures of my dogs…just because 😉 Please feel free to join in, say hi or share some new fun WIPs. Happy hooking!

one of my partners in avoiding adulthood tonight. 😉

Cali cares not at all that I have lost all motivation to pack

Back at the blogging..

Life has been a bit hectic and blogging definitely was forgotten, but now that I’m sitting in my soon to be old house trying to motivate myself to pack things I’m thinking I need to get back into blogging. I’m not sure the direction this blog will take now. I like to crochet, read, spend time with family and friends. I also work a lot so maybe a little venting about the daily struggles of being a bartender will be mentioned also. I’m always open to suggestions on what to talk about. Mostly though I think I’ll focus on books and crochet. Two of my favorite things.

I’m getting ready to move and we all know how stressful that is. I’m trying to go through all of my things and see if I can’t get rid of things and donate things to charity. I’m also trying to work on sorting through all of my yarn and get my Christmas presents taken care of. Thankfully everyone I know has a Swiffer or something similar and I found a crochet pattern for reusable Swiffer pads. (I know, i’m old and lame sometimes, but crochet helps to keep my hands busy and my mind from going into overdrive.) In fact Donatello here is my newest partner in crime and travels with me when I crochet in public.

Donatello a.k.a. my new partner in crime.

 

Don’t worry ladies, I have a man and he knows I’m a nerd and yes, he knows I crochet in public and sometimes even sits with me while I crochet.

 

the advantages of never sleeping…

 

So, if anyone ever reads let me know what things you like to talk about. Right now I’m reading a book called “Not Alone”. hopefully by the next time I write I’ll be able to write something about it.

Good night and happy hooking!

 

 

a new path

a lot has been going on lately. i got a second job working part time at farm bureau, but i am also still bartending 3-4 nights a week to make ends meet. i know eventually the job at farm bureau could turn into something amazing if i decide it is something i want to pursue, so i will work the two jobs for now and see where this new path takes me.

i have decided though that i need to blog about what happens while i tend bar. there are nights i can’t believe the crazy things i have to deal with at work. every time i think i have seen it all, my customers surprise me with some new drama. everything from watching 60 years old try to pick a fight with people 20 years younger than them to getting the cops called on me because i kicked them out of the bar.

actually getting the cops called on me is a rather amusing story. i kicked a couple of kids out of the bar because the guy was being obnoxious and i wasn’t going to serve him anymore. there had been problems all night with him bothering people and falling over. in fact, i later realized that there was a fight going on between that kid and a forty year old woman that had started at a different bar a few days ago. (i love it when people think i care about their drama. all i want to do is serve the drinks, make the cash and kick them out.) for some reason they seemed to think that i didn’t have the right to kick them out even though i actually don’t need a reason to kick anyone out. after the kid tried to record me telling him why i wasn’t going to serve him, he then tried to take my picture and then i got angry. out they went thanks to some help from a couple of regulars. i went on to close the bar as usual and when i went out to check the patio for empty glasses i heard a car pull into the parking lot. i stood up on a chair to see who it was and lo and behold it was a cop car. well, i had a pretty good idea what had happened so i went to the front door to talk to the office. he proceeded to tell me that they had actually received two phone calls that night. the first one was around 1a.m saying that a 20 year old was being served in the bar. the second one was a little before closing time and they told dispatch that there was a marijuana deal going on in the bar. now, any cop that has worked that area of town for any amount of time knows that we are not the type of bar that has issues. not even the cop believed either phone call, but he did come out just to make sure everything was okay. in almost 9 years of working in bars and restaurants i have never had a customer call the cops on me. after i was done being angry it really was quite amusing. the young couple is never allowed in the bar again and as soon as i find out who made the phone call accusing me of serving someone underage, i will be kicking them out also.

i’m also learning that drama doesn’t have a cutoff age. these regulars are constantly amazing me with the ridiculous things that happen in their love lives and it always amazes me that they don’t seem to mind airing all their dirty laundry in public. i think i’m going to have a lot more to blog about these days….have a wonderful weekend!